I was going to write up the top 5 bands I'd most like to be in, but unfortunately there are too many. So here, in all it's glory is a countdown of the top 10 bands I'd most like to be performing in. They're not necessarily my top 10 favourite bands though, no sir, just the 10 I'd have most fun in. Fun is the key.
10. Art Brut
Not a mind-blowing band but great fun indeed. Good and honest rock with amusing lyrics and plenty of on-stage shenanigans. I don't have the world-weary knowledge of Eddie Argos but I could probably pull off the smiling guitarist. He's a charismatic fellow is that Jasper Future (good amusing names are also important).
9. Muse
Just to get control over the setlist a wee bit. "Look, Matt, I know we've released 3 albums since then, but I think we should form our set around nearly everything off Origin of Symmetry. And at least play a couple of songs off the first album. Let's just forget the Twilight soundtrack, yeah?"
8. Abba
Because they've got possibly the greatest catalogue of pop songs going, featuring some moments of exquisite instrumentation. I love Benny's switch from keys to synth at the start of this video. Plus the chances are high that I'd be married to an attractive blonde lady for a fair amount of the band's existence.
7. Manic Street Preachers
Who wouldn't want to play in a band that has in its lifetime played for both Fidel Castro and Strictly Come Dancing? The opportunity for singing ridiculously dense political lyrics in front of massive audiences of pop fans is also a pull. They also didn't mind having a member who was a bit shit at guitar, so that is another plus. I don't think I could fill Richie's self-destructive boots as ably as his musician boots though.
6. Rammstein
Half naked, sweating and clad in leather, with lots of flames all about and a stage set reminiscent of Metropolis. What's not to like?
5. The Hives
These guys are having a great time, and they look incredible whilst doing it. The amount of sweat they must produce at a gig though must be quite something. But yeah, lots of high-energy numbers, yelling maniacally through-out (see skinny guitarist), good pseudonyms and looking sharp. Winning combo.
4. The Flaming Lips
I was tempted to put them top after watching this video. If you ever needed an excuse to get your friends free passes to your gig this could well be it. Such an awesome spectacle. I'm sure it would be impossible to have a bad time playing with this live set up. The only thing that they lack are adrenaline-fuelled-jump-around-dancing songs (unless I am neglecting an important part of their oeuvre); if they had these in spades they'd be number one.
3. Talking Heads
Here we have the show PLUS the dancetimes. These guys know how to put on a show. That is why Stop Making Sense, directed by Jonathan Demme of The Silence of the Lambs fame, is regarded by The Face as "the Citizen Kane of the concert movies." High praise indeed. You'd get pretty fit touring that show, but possibly without the level of sweating as the Hives.
2. Electric Six
Fun yet intelligent songs. Don't let the typical media reaction to 'comedy' bands fool you. They're not a gimmicky comedy band. They're also no slouchers, their live performances are second to none. Top notch pseudonyms. I feel I would have a great time in this band; well-read but not taking themselves too seriously, with many songs featuring simple rhythm guitar parts. YES! What more could you want?
1. British Sea Power
How about something a bit more flamboyant and extravagant? Something to mix it up a little? British Sea Power mix it up a little a lot. They have incendiary live performances backed up with wonderful stage direction; foliage, flags and the odd giant marauding bear. They also like to have a good time, throwing tomatoes at the crowd and climbing all over the shop. Their songs cover fair ground; short, bristly post-punk numbers, sprawling floating epics, 3 minute radio-friendly unit shifters and electronic fuzzouts. They like to tour a lot. They seem to appreciate the 'high' and 'low' ends of culture. They have appeared on Countryfile. Boxes all present and correct and well and duly ticked. All they need is a bit of pyro and we're there.
So, what would my ideal band consist of?
- fun songs to play
- wonderful costume
- exciting live performances with a strong visual side
- well-read lyrics
- fun lyrics
- exciting stage names
- animals
- pyro
- attractive lady/ladies
- dancing/running/jumping/cavorting on stage
Red Diamond Dragon Club, time to raise the bar and make the connections.
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