Spoilt - draft 2

*Warning! The following contains spoilers: *



He is dead.
It is the name of his sledge from when he was a child.
It was the guy with the limp/her possessed father/an orangutan/the private investigator.

They are one and the same person.
You're actually there to spread a virus.
The cake is an oven.

This piece won't go anywhere.

Tranmere 0 – 0 Sheffield Wednesday.

It's going to rain next month.
They opened with Who's In Control, ended with Carrion seguing into All In It, and encored with Spirit of St. Louis and No Lucifer.

Miss Scarlett in the library with the revolver.

And the winner is Natalie Portman, in Black Swan
I love you.
The coin is picked up with the other hand when it is dropped, then hidden inside the collar.
Your enemy is your father/your brother/your best friend.
He's killed by a closet homosexual.
Those events all took place within his head. They were dreams/fantasies.
All your family are in the next room. It has been planned for the last three months.
It was Earth all along.
You will die on 21/12/2012.


*Spoilers end here*

FC Søren Kierkegaard Match Report II

FC Søren Kierkegaard 7-2 Sussex Elites
The Elites suffered an Existentialist backlash two weeks after they joined the Wednesday night league.
Goals in the first four minutes by Tim Huzar and Matt Cardle showed Søren's intent, although Lindsey Roe quickly reduced the arrears.
Olly Murs restored the home side's two-goal advantage but again Elites hit back, Gemma Wilson scoring a goal on the half-hour.
After Huzar hit his second goal four minutes later, however, the Existentialists stormed to victory with a powerful second-half performance.
Tim Huzar's 47th-minute penalty was followed by Murs' second goal of the game and a last-minute strike from substitute Will Brown.

Make Them Know It's Christmas Time

I've just made a cursory glance around the Internet at some lists of the worst song lyrics of all time. Unfortunately there is one particular song that never seems to crop up. If you check out the examples on that site you will see some truly awful examples of songwriting. However these are all examples of simple idiocy. In my view the worst lyrics going, in terms of not just poetic idiocy but also political idiocy, are those to Band Aid's festive classic, Do They Know It's Christmas?

It's christmas time, there's no need to be afraid
At christmas time, we let in light and we banish shade

And in our world of plenty, we can spread a smile of joy!
Throw your arms around the world at christmas time
But say a prayer - pray for the other ones
At christmas time

it's hard, but when you're having fun
There's a world outside your window
And it's a world of dreaded fear
Where the only water flowing is a bitter sting of tears
And the christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom

Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you!!!11one

And there won't be snow in Africa this christmas time
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
Where nothing ever grows
No rain or rivers flow

Do they know it's christmas time at all?

Here's to you
Raise your glass for everyone
Here's to them
Underneath that burning sun

Do they know it's christmas time at all?

Feed the world
Let them know it's christmas time and
Feed the world
Let them know it's christmas time 

Boy oh boy. Where to start? How about with some facts taken from the font of all knowledge, Wikipedia:

According to the World Book Encyclopedia, Islam is the largest religion in Africa, followed by Christianity. According to Encyclopedia Britannica, 45% of the population are Muslims, 40% are Christians and less than 15% continue to follow traditional African religions. 

The climate of Africa ranges from tropical to subarctic on its highest peaks. Its northern half is primarily desert or arid, while its central and southern areas contain both savanna plains and very dense jungle (rainforest) regions. In between, there is a convergence where vegetation patterns such as sahel, and steppe dominate.

The Nile is a major north-flowing river in North Africa, generally regarded as the longest river in the world.

So, immediately we can see that in Africa things do indeed grow, rivers do indeed flow, and that the majority of people living there aren't too bothered whether or not it is Christmas time. We can also forgive Africa it's lack of snow as traditionally it's summer in December.

We could look further into sloppy lyricism elsewhere in the song (clanging chimes of doom, really?) but the far more pressing concern is with the depiction of the African as an Other, and the impression of Occidental values upon them. Immediately Africans are described as the "other ones" and this is expounded later on in Bono's famous line, "tonight thank God it's them instead of you". This is an undeniably horrible line. If someone's got to suffer, well thank heavens it's someone who is completely different to me, hey? This acceptance of poverty and inequality is at odds with the message the song is trying to convey, but completely indicative of the propagation of the status quo that is the underlying truth of it. "Here's to them, underneath that burning sun". We'll just carry on with things as they are, but we'll spare a thought as we do it. There is no impetus here to make a difference.


Consumerism rears its head in the song as well, which is unsurprising given that the lyrics attempt to draw occidental values against Africa. The line "the greatest gift they'll get this year is life" is the key here. Surely life is, in nearly every situation, the greatest gift you can have? The line though takes an almost sneering view of this. It conjures up images of Nintendo Wiis, Blu-Ray DVDs, Louis Vuitton handbags and Ugg Boots. Those poor Africans, they'll never be able to sit around watching Avatar with the family on Christmas Day. On a separate note, the presumption that every African is impoverished is yet another problem here. You could argue that perhaps I'm making a bit of a leap here, but why draw attention to this greatest gift if what they're getting differentiates from what we're getting. The importance placed on a singular exchange is again another case of trying to cure the symptoms rather than the disease.

A famous advert once said, "give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime". Feeding the world will not be accomplished through a one-off (or sporadic) cash payment for a song, it needs to be a constant process, and one that is an exchange on equal terms. Whilst we are looking at the notion of feeding the world, the song is further flawed in how it reduces the world, or at least the non-Occidental world, to Africa. There are plenty of other areas in the world, spread across every continent, that are impoverished, suffer from inequality and are in great need of help. The documentary that inspired the Band Aid movement may have focused on poverty in Africa, but the slogan "Feed The World" encapsulates the hubristic nature of the song. It is so sweeping that it becomes meaningless in this context.

There are other problems with the song apart from the lyrics as well. The way it has been re-recorded three separate times serves as a metaphor for the way that the situation of inequality in Africa has not changed since the song's release. On an unrelated note there was also the problem with the original recording in the lack of women participating (only Bananarama if I recall), which has subsequently been amended in succeeding editions. These are worth looking at as a bit of extra-curricular.

You could say that this is the most fitting Christmas song in many ways. Let's just hope that when they roll out Band Aid 29 that they enlist Des'Ree, Snap, Razorlight, ABC, U2, Toto, Oasis, Duran Duran, Human League and Black Sabbath to lend a hand.

FC Søren Kierkegaard Match Report I

FC Søren Kierkegaard kept in touch with Division Three leaders Will Crysell FC with a thrilling victory against Halcrow.

Phil Bardsley gave the home side the lead from 20 yards before James McIntosh was fouled by Ahmed Elmohamady and Will Brown levelled from the spot.
Will's friend Matt slotted in to hand Søren the lead but Kieran Richardson restored parity with a low free-kick.
James McIntosh smashed in the Existentialists' third after the break before Will's friend Olly nudged in during stoppage time.
The win meant that Søren remain 9 goals adrift of pacesetters Will Crysell FC and they increased the gap between themselves and fifth-placed Halcrow.
But the Kemp Town side were made to work hard for the three points during a contest which felt as exhausting to watch as it must have been to play in.
It was first blood to the Middle-Aged Lads in the ding-dong clash when Bardsley, a right-footer playing on the left, collected the ball from just inside his own half and sped up to the edge of the area before launching an effort which appeared to confuse Ollie Arci in goal.
The Existentialists, without old guard Tim Huzar and Simon Troupe, relied on their big new-money signings to dig them out of an early hole.
Brown had a shot blocked by Anton Ferdinand and Will's friend Matt fizzed an angled shot wide before Søren finally equalised.
The goal came from the penalty spot after Elmohamady climbed over McIntosh as they fought to get to Robin Spottiswoode's dinked delivery. Brown stepped up to fire in his first of the campaign.
Søren seized the moment and ratcheted up the pressure on the Middle Agers' defence.
Midway through the half they took the lead when Bardsley did his best to divert the loose ball into the path of a team-mate but instead found Brown who played in Matt. The Brit, who scored after coming on as a substitute in the 17-17 draw in the kickabout at the weekend, got to the ball before the fast-approaching Craig Gordon and poked in.
The lead lasted fractionally longer than three minutes. Elmohamady partially atoned for his earlier misdemeanour by winning the free-kick which led to Richardson's fizzing shot which left Arci, once again, rooted to the spot.
Any fears the viewing public had of a slower-paced second half were gloriously dismissed within the first few minutes of the restart.
But rather than the end-to-end action of the first half, much of the entertainment took place in the Halcrow's third.
The Existentialists had missed Brown's influence and goals during the last games of the previous season but it was the England midfielder who led the Existentialists' charge.
He stung Gordon's palms on no fewer than four occasions - and it was the third of these which led to another Søren goal.
Matt's corner was headed out by McIntosh and brilliantly volleyed back in by Olly. The Halcrow keeper could only push the ball back to McIntosh, whose volley bounced into the ground before looping over the 6ft 4in Englishman.
There were still 20 minutes remaining but the pace refused to relent. Matt should have scored his second of the night after he was released by Olly but his side-foot effort from inside the area struck both posts before spinning away from the goalmouth.
With 10 minutes left, the players finally began to run out of steam.
Halcrow brought on midfielders Jack Colback and Jordan Cook to add some freshness to the side but it was their wilting defence that suffered at the end.
Kierkegaard substitute Ollie Arci marauded down the left, beat two challenges and pulled the ball back for the other Olly, who cheekily nudged in his side's fourth.


TEAM:

Ollie Arci
Robin Spottiswoode
James McIntosh (C)
Will Brown
Matt Cardle
Olly Murs

untitled - draft 1

* Warning! The following contains spoilers: *



He is dead.
It is the name of his sledge from when he was a child.
It was the guy with the limp/her possessed father/an orangutan/the private investigator
You're actually there to spread a virus.
The cake is a big furnace.
They opened with Go With The Flow, ended with A Song For The Dead, and encored with I Never Came and No One Knows.
They are one and the same person.
I love you.
The coin is picked up with the other hand when it is dropped, then hidden inside the collar.
Your enemy is your father/your brother/your best friend.
He's killed by a closet homosexual.
Those events all took place within his head. They were dreams/fantasies.
All your family are in the next room. It has been planned for the last three months.
It was Earth all along.
You will die on 21/12/2012.



*Spoilers end here*