"A Thief's View of the City"

Charging down the cobbled roads, Sweeney Todd looked back. He could hear the secret police's footsteps coming closer. There was no hope now. They were so close he could smell them. In a few seconds it would be all over and he would be for the gallows. Then he spotted something on the side of the road. It was an empty fish barrel. Well it looked empty so he dived in.

       "Hey, there's something in here," he said to himself. Just then the secret police burst into the alley.

       "Where did he go." The police looked around then walked down a gloomy side-street. After a few minutes he got out of the barrel. He looked around then walked on. Walking through dark alleys, gloomy streets and dirty squares was what Sweeney did most. He was a thief, a pickpocket, a highway man and a murderer. That was why he was running through the streets to safety. He knew the streets well and he also knew that if he could get to Rippsmann's Tavern he would be safe. Darting through Plum Street he was nearly there. Just three more streets to go. While running, he thought about the city. Dark, gloomy, dreary, miserable, drab and dismal were all of the words Sweeney could think of to describe it. Dirty and dusty people living in tatty houses. Arriving at the tavern he gasped. It was closed! The tavern was a well known place in the city. Grotty and grimy it was where most of the well known criminals hung out. Then he saw something. It was a small fishing boat tied up in the river. He climbed aboard and rowed into the middle of the water to safety.

       He was pretty sure that the police would not follow him. Indeed he thought that he had once again got away. In his heart of hearts he knew that that was untrue, he knew that he was a marked man. He decided to go elsewhere.

       As he escaped he looked out to sea, the way he had suddenly chosen to escape.

       "The next place will be better, I can start again, I shall leave this dirty city and all my dirty crimes behind me," he thought.

[My Mum found this and passed it on to me this week. As it came with a Beaver Scout certificate for "completing 10 Beaver projects" in March '95, the story was probably written when I was 8 years old. I have resisted the urge to edit punctuation and grammar. It's cool to see that I had a preoccupation with villains as early as then. It's less cool to see that my writing hasn't improved all that much in 21 years.]

Untitled piece for Supermarket

Not sure what this will be called yet. Hopefully not 'Monetize Me, Baby'. The chorus is yet to be finalized at the chords didn't lend themselves to working out lyrics on a train with singing.
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I've got a clunking limp, I'm going to monetize it
I've got a crooked grin, I'm going to monetize it
I've got a wandering eye, I'm going to monetize it
I've got a wicked lie, I'm going to monetize it

It's a sacrilegious sentiment balanced on your back
It's a chiffon struggle with your heart on tap
You're a keen little whistler with dismay in your lap
Oh monetize me baby oh yeah just like that

I've got to think you through, and the others
Why don't you tell me? Tell me to my face
I've got to think you through and through
Why don't you tell me about the boy and the buzzsaw

Domain authority, I'm going to monetize it
Domain authority, I'm going to monetize it
Domain authority, I'm going to monetize it
Domain authority, I'm going to monetize it

It's a sacrilegious sentiment spilling out the crack
It's a chiffon struggle that's integral to your act
You're a keen little whistler carrying a strap
Oh monetize me baby oh yeah just like that

Kerfuffle

This is for RDDC. And is possibly a working title.

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There’s a north wind blowing in the eaves again
There’s a crossfire strafing down the hall again
There’s a loud crowd banging on the doors again
And I’m reaching for more ibuprofen
Towers are swaying in the storm again
Company of wolves leaves the cinema again
A drop of blood and tea-rings stain the page again
This hurly burly is not done

And again, time and time again
You put your nose out of doors
And again, time and time again
It never, it never goes

Oh the spiders want to scuttle home
I’m a spider, please take me home
Please take me home

Hippopotami count the calories again
Carrion crow orders takeaway again
Alligator chat shit and get banged again
And I’m shouting like a librarian
We’re jumping out our second skins again
We are lining our stomachs up with cash again
Sucking up the shooters, shots, and bombs again
Us leopards take out another mortgage

And again, time and time again
We nearly come to blows
And again, time and time again
We never, we never go

Oh the spiders want to scuttle home
I’m a spider, please take me home
Please take me home

Tangled up in our webs
Barely connected by fingertips
For all our eyes we are blind to our binding

Commuting draft poem 2

These two poems were mainly written to pass the time and practice writing poems to specificish metres, rather than making any "big" points. Probably influenced a wee bit by Brian Bilston.

* * * * * * * *

EGO TO PLEASE

Walking out beside the sea

My own voice in my ears

I close my eyes and take in those

Imaginary cheers

Our latest record is complete

New songs to celebrate

Potent lyrics with every word

Sung with delicious weight

It sounds like something new and special

Intelligent and brave

Something vital and important

Something worth a save

Something that this rigid poem

Cannot hope to match

Something fluid and exciting

And far more up to scratch

I wonder though if all of this

Is biased to my taste

And only seems so beautiful

Because it bears my face

And if another person’s voice

I’d heard beside the sea

Those songs would not seem so anthemic

As they weren’t sung by me.

Commuting draft poem 1

Wrote a couple of things on the train home over the last fortnight. Soon to become things of the past as my office looks like it's moving to Brighton (hoorah!)

* * * *

FOR MY FELLOW COMMUTERS

Morning has broken my head into tiny little pieces

Each piece has fallen underneath the wheel that never ceases

Spinning, eroding, grinding again day after day

No matter how hard I try, I can’t get out of the way

So I’m sitting here, waiting for time to mend my head

A process that begins with getting myself out the bed

A process that continues with getting on this train

A process that finally ends when work numbs all the pain

But with the process underway, peace is now required

The process has the most effect when undergone in quiet

So do your best to understand me and maintain the silence

For otherwise I am required to resort to some violence

And break your inconsiderate head into little pieces too

And the police will understand there's none to blame but you

And if there is something in this that still does not compute

I’d appreciate it if you could put the ‘mute’ in this ‘commute’

Pleasekeepyourmouthshut

Pleasekeepyourmouthshut

Pleasekeepyourmouthshut

Pleasekeepyourmouthshut

It is far too early for this

The sun falls with my spirit as the day runs out its course

I’m filled with nothing but empty carbohydrates and remorse

The planet rotates me like a prize hog upon a spit

Each day I feel a bit more tender, I’m aching where I sit

I look forward to sitting somewhere more comfy than there

Upon a throne that takes me home from 9-5 despair

The day was full of busying and hurrying and noise

All sorts of ruckus and alarm no-one ever enjoys

I’m tired of all this chaos and I’m seeking some more peace

A slow and silent slumber where the office chatters cease

So please respect my lethargy and forgive my malaise

For if you don’t I’ll rouse myself to bad barbaric ways

All I want is to go gently into this good night

Don’t stop me or I’ll rage at more than the dying of the light

And if there is something in this that still does not compute

I’d appreciate it if you could put the ‘mute’ in this ‘commute’

Pleasekeepyourmouthshut

Pleasekeepyourmouthshut

Pleasekeepyourmouthshut

Pleasekeepyourmouthshut

It is far too late for this

Out Of The Tar Pit

A cautionary tale of what happens when a violent dinosaur is given a second chance to get behind the wheel of a car. I reserve the right to cut down any of this if it is too difficult to sing/shout.

Me and my friends, wrongdoing is our fancy

And we were fed up of kicking our heels around town

Thought that we’d turn to some necromancy

And attempt to raise a dinosaur from the ground

We got a pentagram and some candles to burn

We couldn’t get a goat so we sacrificed the intern

Out of the pit it came, lurching and wretched

It didn’t take long for us to start to regret it

He was a monster (out of the tar pit!)

He was a brutal beast (out of the tar pit!)

It all went too far (out of the tar pit!)

It hotwired a car (out of the tar pit!)

It seems like we’re finished and we’ve only just started

An ill-advised full return for the departed

And we’re never gonna get those stains out of the carpet

The ones made when that fucker came out of the tar pit!

The dinosaur was driving without a care in the world

It was a car against humanity, a war flag unfurled

The spectacle was terrible, we didn’t think it through

Horror’s only entertaining when it’s not happening to you

We thought it would be funny and no one would get hurt

But when we asked for merchandise we didn’t want to wear the shirt

Everybody loves to hear the sound of car crashes

Except for when they’re woken by the lights and the flashes

He was inhumane (out of the tar pit!)

An atrocity exhibition (out of the tar pit!)

Spoilt like old milk (out of the tar pit!)

Gaston’s ilk (out of the tar pit!)

It seems like we’re finished and we’ve only just started

An ill-advised full return for the departed

And we’re never gonna get those stains out of the carpet

The ones made when that fucker came out of the tar pit!

Violent scum

Not fit to lick my crumbs

A banner beast for the out of date

Unworthy of opposable thumbs

We’re gonna break hearts and records tonight

We’re gonna break hearts and records tonight

We’re gonna break hearts and records tonight

We’re gonna break hearts and records tonight

Why is this permitted? (out of the tar pit!)

Why is this licensed? (out of the tar pit!)

Ignorant and unsighted (out of the tar pit!)

Passé and violent (out of the tar pit!)

It seems like we’re finished and we’ve only just started

An ill-advised full return for the departed

And we’re never gonna get those stains out of the carpet

The ones made when that fucker came out of the tar pit!

My favourite music of 2015

I engaged with music in 2015 in a way that I hadn’t in years. As well as attending a wonderful number of gigs, I feel as though I managed to keep an ear to the ground in terms of new releases. This meant that my interests were able to develop independently of the stuff I was exposed via radio for the first time in a long time.

2015 also saw me write about music in a more full-on manner than I had previously. In addition to a couple of album reviews I posted on this blog, I also began to contribute articles to a music blog, And Antarctica.

Consequently, I feel as though I am in a strong position to write about my favourite music of 2015 and will thus go into more detail than I am accustomed in my personal round-ups of the year. What follows will be my tracks of the year, albums of the year, gigs of the year and briefly what albums I listened to most in general.

TOP 20 TRACKS OF THE YEAR

20. Belle & Sebastian - Nobody’s Empire

19. White - Future Pleasures

18. Blur - Ong Ong

17. Wolf Alice - Giant Peach

16. Modest Mouse - Lampshades on Fire

15. Jason DeRulo - Want You To Want Me

14. Dick Valentine - Saddam Hussein (link is for another song on his album)

13. Electric Six - Big Red Arthur (link is for another song on their album)

12. Susanne Sundfør - Fade Away

11. John Grant - Disappointing

- - - - -

10. Slug - Eggs and Eyes

A joyfully disjointed song that manages to be tuneful and disturbing in equal parts.

9. Børns - Electric Love

I have no idea who this artist is, but hearing this pop song come on the radio was always a softly affirmational occasion.

8. Courtney Barnett - Pedestrian at Best

Strong wordplay backed with grungy chords made for a fun and catchy package.

7. Young Fathers - Shame

A song that showcases the band at their urgent best, a scuzzy little dancer that ticks multiple boxes

6. Will Butler - What I Want

On his debut, Butler’s music often came across as what the Arcade Fire would produce if Win Butler loosened up, chilled out and decided to play around a bit. This was the strongest example.

5. Muse - Dead Inside

Every new Muse release sees me build up hope that my former favourite band have some managed to turn their ship around and return to being the band that wrote baroque RATM-inspired masterpieces. Every release invariably results in disappointment. The same happened this past year with their album Drones, but this track was their first in seven years or so that I actually found exciting to listen to. Here, they manage to harness the angst of their past to tense and taut rock that build a narrative and just about manages to keep everything on deck.

4. Public Service Broadcasting: Go!

This track managed to capture the energy and anticipation of a mission control room and release in the form of dancefloor banger. What impressed me the most was PSB’s use of dialogue samples; where in the past these had merely been embellishments or a narrative device, on this track they managed to craft a catchy chorus. So far the first and only singalong moment in their set.

3. Ezra Furman - Lousy Conection

A real change of pace from Furman’s usual songs, and one that gives plenty of space for his lyrics - his greatest strength - to do their thing. Engrossing imagery, delicious couplets, original at every step. All this and spearheaded with a war cry of a chorus, a statement of intent more self-reflective and introverted than his previous album’s ‘Tell ‘em All To Go To Hell’ but just as strident.

2. FFS - Johnny Delusional

Of all the songs I heard in 2015, this is one that I would love to be more popular. Quirky art-pop perfection from Franz Ferdinand and Sparks that should be soundtracking fist-pumping singalongs on dance floors and sweaty karaoke booths alike. Awkwardly jerky but confidently passionate, a perfect encapsulation of this fun and inventive collaboration.

1. Kendrick Lamar - King Kunta

A potently literate power play that not only showcased Lamar’s verbal prowess but managed to mould the groundbreaking sounds of To Pimp A Butterfly into a track that also worked as a smooth party jam without losing any of its artful potency. As it progresses, the music builds up to an almost dizzying high, dropping in and out and jerking the listener about until they cannot help but be in thrall to artistry of King K-Dot.

FAVOURITE ALBUMS:

1. Public Service Broadcasting - The Race For Space
2. Ezra Furman - Perpetual Motion People
3. Susanne Sundfør - Ten Love Songs

4. Kendrick Lamar - To Pimp A Butterfly
5. Slug - Ripe

FAVOURITE GIGS:

1. Ezra Furman at the Lexington (support from Du Blonde)

2. Slug at the Hope and Ruin

3. Public Service Broadcasting at the Brighton Dome (support from Smoke Fairies)

4. Jeffrey Lewis at the Hope and Ruin (support from Pog)

5. White at Brighthelm (The Great Escape 2015)

In addition to new music coming out of 2015, I also seemed to listen to two older albums more than any others. These were Boys And Girls In America by The Hold Steady and Little Earthquakes by Tori Amos; two incredible albums that are now among my very favourites and that I would recommend to anyone.

I go into a bit more detail about my favourite albums and gigs in a feature for And Antarctica about 2015 in general. Check it out! I also write a wee bit about what I'm looking forward to in the next few months. Overall, 2015 felt like a good year for music. 2016 has got a lot to live up to.

Photo credit: Mike Chouinard